Eating, Then and Now

Me:  “I eat like a bird.”

Grandma:  “Yeah, a vulture!”

As a kid, I can remember being called a ‘big eater’ and feeling proud of myself when I would get cheered on well through my second helping of food.  On my dad’s side of the family, there weren’t many ‘skinny’ women.  It wasn’t valued as part of our family culture.  Whether that was because they were all fat and weren’t doing anything about it, or it simply wasn’t important to them, they certainly weren’t going to have it be a part of my system of values, either.  I was affectionately referred to as ‘big boned’, and when people would meet me, I would beam with pride as they would remark about how tall I was.  Really, it was what they weren’t saying that may have been useful to hear, but then again, at such a young age, how could I have had the means to correct my situation? 

I can remember the satisfaction I felt from being so full that I couldn't do much more than waddle my little butt over to the couch and fall asleep.  What a great habit to start at such a young age!

As I got into middle and high school, I always had a ‘pooch’.  My mom would constantly remind me to ‘suck in my gut’.  I got into sports like volleyball, as I am a tall person, so my eating habits didn’t show too much, from what I can remember.  However, as I got older, guess what showed up?  Yes! A gut - or as I like to refer to it, a front butt.  I was dating a boy who worked in a shoe store and I’ll never forget the day I went in there and one of his co-workers made the comment, “Yeah, she’s cute, but isn’t she kind of fat?”  How embarrassing, I was 17 years old!  It did give me a bit of a complex.  Having never embraced ‘good’ eating habits and false-priding myself on being a ‘big girl’, I decided that I would just hate skinny, pretty girls with all of my soul, rather than educate myself and remedy the situation.

Fast forward through 8 years of tumultuous relations with my image and I was finally willing to admit the truth.  Yes! I wanted to be thin and feel sexy.  Does it take being thin to feel sexy?  No!  I only know that now after having been thin and still not being happy with the person that I was.  Yes, it is all about the inside, but sometimes the reflection of the inside is what shows up on the outside.

For example:  are you overweight and your house is cluttered and your mind/thinking disorganized?  Are you hanging on to tons of old ‘stuff’ (clothes, things with ‘sentimental value’) trying to relive those ‘glory days’?  Are you hoping that some day you’ll fit into those pants again?  Does money seem to slip through your fingers like sand?  If so, I CAN RELATE!  The keys to unlocking what is holding us back may be right at the end of our noses, all we have to do is take an honest look down.

What has helped me the most as of late has been to both physically and mentally move on.  I gave all of my ‘hot bartender’ clothes to a girl who could fit into them and updated my wardrobe to something more resembling who I am as a person now, not who I was - or who I think I want to get back to.  That girl was just that:  a hot girl.  I am woman, I am mother, I am life.  I no longer open my closet to boxes of wishes for a body that no longer exists and a self-loathing that I am not that way right now.  

What it has done for me:  It has allowed me to reconcile who I was with who I am and allowed me to make peace with and embrace the present.  I feel like before anything can/will change, I need to be content with the present - and get that other foot out of the past.

So, my suggestion:  if there is something you haven’t used or worn for 6 months or more, get rid of it.  If it’s a box and you don’t know what’s in it - don’t even open it! Just get it out of your house.  Allow what is no longer serving you to serve someone else, it will be a huge weight off of your shoulders and a fantastic feeling to have all of that open space where there used to be clutter and an endless to-do list!

I would also love to share that my 30 days 100% plan was another epic fail!  I am at peace with it.  It will come when the time is right for me.  My exercise routine has also changed, and probably will continue to evolve, as I have found that I am not someone who can do the same thing over and over and over again.

What DOES work for me:  great motivating music, which is different for everyone.  I can get down on the elliptical machine at a level 6 for 30 minutes, which takes me roughly 2.25-2.5 miles - if I am jamming to good music.  The kind of tunes that motivate me are songs that make me want to dance.  Something different may work for you.  When I was running, I really liked classical and jazz.  For now, I need the pounding bass to keep my butt in gear. 

I have also began to enjoy pilates again.  I like it because it works my whole body at once and offers exercises that lean and lengthen, which are of huge benefit to me right now.  

The bottom line:  I do my best to work out for 1.5 hours/day, no matter what I am doing.  Right now, it is generally a combination of cardio, yoga and pilates - and that could easily change.  

As far as eating goes, I eat as much raw, unprocessed whole food as I can and I realize it is going to take some time to turn this ship.  I also drink at least 2 liters of water/day, more if I am working outside in the heat! I am willing to be patient and loving to myself no matter what and that feels a lot better than anything else.

With regard to eating and exercise, what have you found lately, or in the past, that works for you?  How are you doing with your workout routine?